Is It Cool To Be a 40 Year Old Virgin These Days?
Actress Yvonne Orji says she has “pent up energy” and is ready for a good man🤨
*This article is also posted on Medium
We’ve heard of the movie 40 Year Old Virgin with Steve Carell and a host of other actors. The movie is comedic but shows the reality of what an older person would go through if they are clueless about sex as they near middle age.
However, in real life, is waiting for sex that long funny and goofy? Is it possible? Is it a flex on the rest of us who could not wait before marriage?
These are valid questions because most people in the faith(particularly Christianity), are told that sex must come after marriage. That is supposedly the “safest” rubric to follow. Yet, Actress Yvonne Orji of the show Insecure, is 39 and is still hoping to get married to a good man.
I and others applaud her for this, but some conversations point out the obvious pitfalls of waiting very long to do the “chunky monkey” or the “bunny hop”
Take a listen to the conversation I had on Swell about this topic. It’s quite enlightening and delicious!
Actress Yvonne Orji is a 39 year-old Virgin and Waiting for Marriage
Being Young and virginal is (mostly) ideal
When guys want to take their time with a woman and “show her the ropes” (because typically guys experiment with sex from a very young age), they imagine her being like a young, fresh flower.
When a young lady proclaims to the world that she is a virgin, usually she is in her late teens or twenties — it makes sense because she is typically inexperienced and fresh to the world. She still has the glowy, shiny perky looks — and is attractive.
This is not to say that a 39 or 49 year old woman cannot be attractive. There are older women out here who can give twenty somethings a run for their money of course.
Actress Orji said she plays out sex scenes in the show, and in reality, she has dated men — she just never had actual sex.
She publicly said she has pent up energy now.
I guess she does.
An older woman should be commended for her efforts of not “sharing her cookie” with everyone… at the same time is the fact that she is a virgin appealing to most men?
Men want the ideal experience with an experienced inexperienced
I know the term experienced inexperience sounds like a rude oxymoron, but it is true.
During the Swell conversation, a young lady mentioned that the men she has talked to, actually don’t like the idea of being with a virgin. “It’s too much work” they say.
One man actually cheats on his wife often because he married her while she was a virgin and she did “all the right things” a married woman should do and be, however he constantly looked for sexual fulfillment from “looser” women who can do “tricks”.
This of course, is sad because we are programmed that holding onto our virginity and finding the “right man” is God’s mandate(the right man is supposed to find you, however).
Did God say a woman must be virgin before marriage though? I’m not saying young ladies should give up their “cookies” early, I’m just wondering why the pressure point is aimed only at sex and not aimed at being an overall good person.
I still don't see where there is a Scripture explicitly stating sex before marriage is bad. It does, however, make a statement about sexual immorality and not “defiling the marriage bed”. We can go deeper into this and discuss how sex with someone makes them your spouse because of soul ties, but that’s a whole other discussion right there.
What are some downsides to being an older virgin?
One major downside is time.
Another celebrity virgin in her 40s is freezing her eggs because she knows she may not find a “good man” in time, but she still hopes to have a child someday.
Another downside is today’s modern man and woman.
We are in a “hookup” culture where folks like getting “flewed out” somewhere for a sexcapade, but having a relationship is the furthest thought from their minds and marriage is definitely not on the table.
So, virgins have an interesting pick of the litter here.
I totally get why there are older virgins in the world. It is rare, but I get it. They were born into an age where dating, marriage, children, and having a nice home was the American dream instilled in their spongey minds from church. They have a right to want a normal relationship, heck we all dreamed like that.
I am married, but did I wait until marriage for sex? Nope. I was nearly 20 when I lost my virginity, so I guess I held out longer than most, at the same time I did not just focus on keeping my chastity, I was always working on my education and trying to be a good person.
I couldn’t wait until marriage, because goodness! My loins spoke loudly and proudly and reading all those Harlequin romances as a teen had me on fire and ready to blow anyway 😂
Overall, I say do what you want to do, don’t let society or religion tell you about your physiology and body. You will know when the right time is for you, just be realistic about your choices and make peace with it.
Thank you for reading!